More jokes

[orudge]

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."

He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

[orudge]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surround by 50 beautiful women.

He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two people dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods - it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one "Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But to be hung like a black man is beyond me"

[orudge]

ONE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang in the morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, how should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

TWO Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. she opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

SIX A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!" the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was.... "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

SEVEN Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

EIGHT A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hell-oooo! You need to roll up the windows first!"

[spaceman-spiff]

hehe, to be hung like a black man, who wants that

[orudge]

You might be a High Tech Good Ol' Boy if...

• ...your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"
• ...the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"
• ...your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"
• ...you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.
• ...your baseball cap reads "DELL" instead of "CAT"
• ...your computer is worth more than all your cars combined
• ...your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her
• ...you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on
• ...your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal
• ...you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all"

[orudge]

Is your son a computer hacker?

[Lilman424]

Lol now that's funny.


Anyway my joke:

There are 4 people on an airplane: the pilot, The president of the US, the smartest man in the world, and a 3rd grader. The plane breaks down but there are only 2 parachutes. The president says, "Well I'm the president. I'm really important and I'm taking a parachute." So he takes a parachute and jumps. The smartest man in the world syas, "Well I know everything and I know I'm taking a parachute." So he jumps. The pilot turns to the 3rd grader and says, "Well, I guess it's just you and me kid." The 3rd grader is laughing his head off. The pilot asks him why he's laughing. The 3rd grader says
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"The smartest man in the world just jumped off the plane with my backpack."