Guardian: Railspeak should be terminated

[Ameecher]

"Customers are reminded to always use the handrail and take care on the stairs"
That woman that is movement activated at Dundee should be shoved in a blender. So many people let go of the handrail after they hear her bleat on.

[JGR]

As someone who does use a PA system fairly regularly (at the ice rink), I know how tempting it can be to just ramble on, and shout/make snarky comments at people when they do idiotic things.

I can't really remember any particularly memorable rail announcements that I've heard though...

[JamieLei]

Hmmmm... I do remember getting on a Chiltern Railways train and the guard had was the most cheery guy every with a thick West Indies accent. Every time he said Marylebone, it was said in a very thick, drawn out "London Maaaaa-ryboooooone!) - had him on more than one occasion I believe!

[Geo Ghost]

Also this fella:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQNwBTlUK7g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar8y1T4D ... re=related

I think he was on our train once too. Good to see someone so friendly rather than just. "Hi... our next stop is Preston."

When I was travelling to Sheffield a few years back the driver after saying the next station would let everyone know the footy results so far. I think I've got that on video somewhere actually.

[Jacko]

i remember once on the way home during the world cup, the guard/conductor/whatever got his radio out, plugged it in and we could all listen to England vs Slovenia! quite awesome.

[Greengage]

I think they should BAN the use of the words 'apologise [for the inconvenience]' (uttered several thousands of times a day probably across the entire network) and start learning to use the word "sorry" instead.

So over-used now it's been rendered completely and wholly meaningless, not to mention insincere.

But agree with everybody else's suggestions above.

It really is a very bizarre thing indeed to behold - this phenomenon of "rail speak".

I also get the distinct feeling that the over-long rambling announcements as broadcast by REAL HUMAN train crews (as opposed to automated programmed machines) on board long distance services is entirely due to them being paid by the word!!!

[Ed,]

My friend was telling me on his way into oxford the train had to stop and wait for a huge mess to be cleared ahead points had broke and a train was stuck or something.

The driver came on and announced.
"This train is delayed due to chronic underinvestment in the rail network, we sincerely apologies for the delay to your journey and any incontinence this may cause".

[audigex]

They've automated some more messages at Lancaster lately - you now get a computer lady telling you that "I am very sorry for the ..."

No, no you aren't, you're a computer.

[Dave]

As some of you on Facebook would have noted I was having a bit of an announcement rant on Saturday. Scottish lad who changed at Preston genuinely droned on FOREVER. Then his catering manager came on and said some amazing stuff. A sample:

"Welcome aboard.the Santa Express to Edinburgh. I trust you're all ready for the big day, although I'm sure some of you can't wait for it to be over. Hope you've all got the turkey in, or at least the in laws... They might be useful one day..."

Titters were heard throughout. Virgin's catering staff love getting on the mic and more often than not they deliver haha.

(Remember an Aussie bloke around the time of my last birthday going through the list of beverages available and then saying: "or if you prefer, as you should at this time of day, an alcoholic drink, then...")

[dasy2k1]

Was on a northern 142 from Chester to Manchester once (via Altrincham) which was heaving due to the ATW route via Warrington bank quay being bustituted

It seemed the driver was in a devilish mood and was making various hilarious announcements along the lines of
"oh no there are a couple of dozen people waiting at the next station, everyone breathe in and we should be able to get them all on... "

After one station when another few dozen squashed their way on
"ok who ate all the pies I can feel the engine struggling to get us moving "

And so on for the whole journey
(the guard was squashed against the door next to the door control flap as nobody could move)

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