Crates On New Vehicle Expressways Yield Outrageous Riches But Exhaust Less Toxic Smog
Greetings transportation moguls, and welcome to the presentation!
> Have you been looking for a NEW transportation solution to get rid of those archaic, outdated, polluting vehicles?
> Tired of paying your drivers just to deliver loads across town?
> Do you want to be rich?*
Well then I have the solution for you!
Introducing the all-new short-distance long-term low-cost high-profit hyphen-less transportation system: Crates!
> Now hold on a second, there's nothing special about using crates for transporting goods, we use them all the time already!
Ah, but these aren't just any crates, you see. We've devloloped an innovative new quantum packing technology that allows unprecedented material compression to achieve unbelievable per-unit capacity! We've got crates, cubes, boxes, squares; everything you could ever imagine and MORE!** It took millions of hours of research, prototyping, and testing to provide a product so complicated even top scientists still say it's impossible!
> How does it work?
What a great looking question! It's very simple: we put more stuff, in less boxes
Now, I'm sure you're wondering: just how does putting things in boxes make my company more efficient? How does that get rid of those costly drivers and their profit wasting salaries? I still need vehicles to carry those crates!
Introducing the greatest innovation in transportation infrastructure since the wagon trail: an automated package delivery transport system! Utilizing a rubber track riding on rolling wheels, this system is capable of delivering hundreds of tons of cargo in a way never-before possible, without the need for any vehicles!
> Um, isn't that just a conveyo...
NO! This entirely new delivery system is unmatched by its predecessors in nearly every way! Featuring fully autonomous pathfinding, the package delivery AI automatically routes your cargo down the correct path no matter how complicated your network is; no human intervention required! Not even loading and unloading of the cargo requires workers, all of the materials are packaged automatically by robots; the only way to obtain such high quantities in our proprietary crates!
Our automated infrastructure comes in three varieties to cater to all types of cargo transport. Whether it is low-priority bulk shipments or speedy express cargo, we have a speed tier to suit your needs:
- Slow - 20mph Blue
This tier is suitable for ores and other bulk cargoes which don't necessitate speedy travel. Costs are relatively low compared to the other options, which allows for entry-level setup or maximizing your operating profit for certain routes.
- Fast - 40mph Yellow
A great "middle ground" solution for those wanting to upgrade their slow networks but don't have the cash to spend on the lightning tier.
- Lightning - 80mph Red
The ultimate crate-delivering speed-demon, the lightning tier blazes away at lightning speed! The incredible stresses and wear on these machines means a truly heavy price tag to keep it running smoothly, but with the right kind of high-paying cargo, it can make amazing profits become reality!
Just be careful! Our delivery system is most efficient on small routes with high frequency deliveries. These are very sophisticated and complicated machines, and keeping them operating smoothly can be expensive. In fact, ALL of the operational cost is carried by the infrastructure itself, and costs grow increasingly cumbersome on longer routes! Be sure to optimize your routes for maximum throughput and utilizing the type of crates that work best for your needs (and your pocketbook!).
> Ok, tell me more about these crates
Our crates come in two varieties to handle all types of cargo: standard and liquid. Using materials of varying strengths and electromagnetic properties to balance performance and costs, we've managed to create 3 distinct tiers of each type of crates for all your transport needs***. All of our crates are designed to operate flawlessly on all 3 tiers of our proprietary transportation system, ensuring seamless, hassle-free use no matter how you use your network.
- Wooden Box
A deceptively simple name that ensures total confusion for your competitors! Due to inferior materials, much bracing and structural reinforcement is needed inside, which reduces overall capacity. The result, however, is a useful entry-level budget container for hauling small amounts of anything!***
- Steel Crate
A much improved and strengthened version of the wooden box, this steel crate can utilize the entire volume inside to store your cargo, maximizing the efficiency and throughput possible using conventional materials.
- Quantum Cube
Using the latest in future nano-alloy technology for the shell and our patented M.A.G.I.C. cargo compression algorithm, the Quantum Cube is the definitive King of Boxes™. Rest assured, whatever kind of matter you need transporting, the Quantum Cube can degenerate the most of it!
- Plastic Jug
Once again, stealth in naming is the key! Your competition will laugh at the thought of you transporting your bulk liquids in mere plastic jugs! But it is you who will be laughing, laughing all the way to the bank while their children eat cardboard after you put them out of business! Ha!
- Steel Tank
As great as recycled plastic dug up from the ocean bottom is, it just doesn't have the structural integrity of steel! Make sure your oil doesn't spill on the wildlife by using Steel Tanks! (also carries other liquids)
- Quantum Container
Those pesky liquids, they just never want to compress! We've solved that issue by allowing the atoms to occupy all the states of matter at once! Naturally, compressing your cargo down to the density of a neutron star may have some slight effects on nearby matter, so this Quantum Container uses magnets to contain the extreme gravitational field and prevent the formation of accidental black holes. How does it work? Nobody knows! (Except us. But we're not telling)
Another experimental feature being tested on this fresh batch of crates is our patented "ghosting" effect. Using high tech sensors and mapping technology, we are constantly scanning the surrounding environment and, using an ultra-thin film of micro-LEDs on the exterior of the crates, we project a translucent image of what's on the opposite side to produce a see-through effect when our crates are empty. Common folk often refer to this as an "invisibility cloak", but that's just science fiction mumbo-jumbo. No sir, what we have here is a down-to-earth productivity tool, designed to let you know at a glance which of the crates in your network are running with an empty or sub-optimal load (<50%) so you can quickly diagnose issues and get back to counting your money!
Frequently Asked Questions
> There's no pictures. I want pictures!
That is not a question. Please return to the children's area and remain seated until you have calmed down enough to continue reading. Thank you
> Is there a passenger crate?
Unfortunately due to ongoing lawsuits for bodily injury, sexual harassment, and...other issues...which arose from highly compressing our human subjects during testing, we will not be providing options for passenger transport at this time.
> Are all other cargoes supported?
Yes, our crates are capable of carrying cargo from all types of industries. However, due to our high definition label maker being broken, we are currently unable to provide stickers on the outside of our crates to show the cargo they are carrying. We apologize for the inconvenience, and plan to rectify this in the future****.
> Is there a demo somewhere where I can see this system in action without installing it?
Certainly! Check this page, which also gives some more background information on the design decisions: >>LINK<<
> Using crates for liquids is stupid. You should use barrels like everyone else.
We value your opinion. In order to provide a better experience to our customers, we kindly ask that you stop having one. Thank you
> SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
Good news, everyone! It's completely free! Simply download the conveniently packed .tar archive below which has everything you need already inside, and start using it! Easy as that
> What if I have a problem?
Should any issues arise which are not mentioned above or on the website, please report them to us by replying to this message below. We also accept compliments, criticism, suggestions, and sacks of money as gifts. And thank you for your feedback
*We are not responsible for any financial losses due to the use of our product
**Your imagination may vary
***Due to some litigious test subjects, passenger support has been cancelled
****Ongoing developments are subject to public reaction and developer's interest
*****We are not liable for any injuries caused by straining your eyes to read this fine print. Read at your own risk