I encountered something very unique once - a bus with one and a half decks. It was like a coach in that you had to climb the Eiffel Tower to get onto the thing, but there was a lower level behind the engine and baggage compartment with 10 or so seats in it. Mental.
Sorry, but I'm sick of people whinging about being single. Get over it.
And I believe I have encountered musical perfection here
While I'm here, I am going to have a rant.
iLiKETRAiNS may be the most unique band to have ever existed. Everything about them is unmatched by other modern artists. Their sound is immense - the shimmering, brooding, effect-drenched guitars of Guy Bannister and Dave Martin slowly build up to intense walls of sound, backed by the regimental pounding of drummer Simon Fogal. Alistair Bowis managed to forge consistently brilliant basslines, and Ashley Dean plays, of all instruments, a cornet, it's powerful tones blasting through their songs' climaxes.
Frontman Dave Martin is not insignificantly odd, but like all the best not insignificantly odd frontmen he is an extremely nice man when you speak to him off-stage (which I have done, twice, and am on first-name terms with him. Go me!). His voice is just amazing - a menacing baritone chanting songs about trains, historical figures and death, occasionally all three in the same song. It adds yet another unique slant to the band.
And let's look at their songs. Early iLiKETRAiNS were a very different story. Yes, it was post-rock, but it was hidden underneath summery acoustic guitars. Then they started to go a bit evil - I can think of five songs where the death of someone is the central theme. THELASTDAYOFWiNTER is about the protagonist's lover falling through ice and subsequently drowning. Both parts of BEFORETHECURTAiNSCLOSE concern jealousy that eventually leads to murder, as does STAiNLESSSTEEL. THEACCiDENT tackles that timeless subject of someone drinking a poisoned drink at a party that was meant for someone else - don't you just hate it when that happens? - spawning the immortal line "You were caught up in the crossfire, so to speak".
Now, they've turned into history buffs. Glance through the mini-album PROGRESS,REFORM or new single SPENCERPERCEVAL and you'll see what I mean. TERRANOVA is about Robert Falcon Scott's failed attempt to discover the South Pole, and follow-up NOMiLiTARYPARADE is about a Norwegian explorer who was removed from the team who eventually discovered the South Pole weeks before they set off. AROOKHOUSEFORBOBBY concerns troubled chess genius Bobby Fischer, and CiTiZEN is a reprise on his political status. THEBEECHiNGREPORT is about that ball-bag Dr Richard Beeching, whose infamous report resulted in most of Britain's rural railway network being closed down.
It saddens me that the TRAiNS are still largely unknown (although they did fill up the Birmingham Barfly which is pretty damn good), compared with all the other drivel around at the moment. The Fratellis made it on the back of a single whose chorus is made entirely of the word 'Duh'. The Automatic wrote a good song in Monster... then released an album which is basically 12 covers of it. Mika can sing high enough to pester dogs but other than that is what is colloquially known as a tossbag. Then you have the Kaiser Chiefs hopping around yelling 'Ruby' over and over and over again.
All I ask is that if you happen to be in a music shop any time soon, you part with 4 English pounds to buy iLiKETRAiNS's new single SPENCERPERCEVAL, a brief, catchy 10-minute number on the only British prime minister to ever have been assassinated. And if that description doesn't persuade you to buy it, I don't know what will.
And I challenge you to find me a better opening line than "Please don't go into the kitchen, that's where the knives are, and I won't be held responsible".